Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
