Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
