I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
