I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
