How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
