OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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