he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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