One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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