I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
