sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
