my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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