girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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