She's JV to your varsity
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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