Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
