I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
