Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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