I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
