it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
