Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
