I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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