just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
