I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
