I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nicole vs. Life
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
