I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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