There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
