I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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