Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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