I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Found the puke drawer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
