i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
