I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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