hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
