What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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