omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I will pee on everything he values.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The feeling are messing with the penis
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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