My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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