So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
