i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
