I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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