thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
