whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
