He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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