so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
