She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
