you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
