I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
