R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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