yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
