Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
