Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
