the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
