there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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