She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
