im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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