I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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