I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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