You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
