My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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