belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
