it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
