Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
