Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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