Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
