I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
