I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
