Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
