i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
