Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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