She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
