I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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