she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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