he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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