Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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