I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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