Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
