Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
