Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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