She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
