I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
