I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't deserve a penis
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
