Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
