saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
