she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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