So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
