what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
