I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
