It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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