party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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