WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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