After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
