I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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